Moving in together: two homes into one

Moving in together looks like any other move, and it isn't. Two homes are being emptied, only one is being filled, and it is almost never as big as the other two put together. Each of you arrives with your own sofa, your own washing machine, your own set of plates and your own habits about where things go. If nobody decides beforehand, the space decides: on moving day both sets of boxes go in, and for months half of what is in them stays packed.

The real work happens in the weeks before, at the table, and it is about three things: what to keep, in what order to move, and how to bring two loads to the same place without mixing them up.

Duplicates first, then boxes

Start with a list, not with the wardrobes. Each of you writes down the furniture and appliances you own, then you put the two lists side by side. The duplicates show up straight away: two beds, two tables, two fridges, two irons, two sets of pans.

For each duplicate you need rules that work for both of you, agreed before you look at the things one by one:

• Does it fit in the new home? First measure the rooms, the doors and the space where the fridge will go. A lovely sofa that won't go through the door is not an option.
• What condition is it in? The one that works better stays, whoever bought it.
• Who actually uses it? The food processor used once a year counts for less than the coffee machine one of you uses every morning.

The rule to leave out is "it's mine". If every decision turns into a negotiation between two owners, the list never gets finished. Whatever comes off the list does not go in the boxes: you sell it, give it away or get rid of it beforehand, and there is a separate article on how to do that. Every item you don't move is one less item to pack, load and unpack.

The dates: two homes to leave, one to take on

There are two cases. Either one of you moves into the other's home, or you both leave your own for a new one. In the first case there is only one move, but it arrives in a home that is already full, and the space has to be made beforehand: wardrobes to clear, shelves to empty, a room to put the boxes in. In the second case there are two moves, and each has its own deadlines.

If you both rent, there are two notices to give and the notice periods may be different. Check both contracts before you fix any date: the day you move into the new home also depends on when the contract with the longer notice period ends. How to work it out and how to write the letter is explained in the article on giving notice on a rented flat.

Then there is the paperwork, which doubles as well. Each of you changes your registered residence separately, and here is how it works. Electricity, gas and internet, on the other hand, stay one per home: one of you closes theirs, and who does it should be decided beforehand, not when two bills arrive for the same flat.

Two moves to one address

If you are both leaving your own home, don't do the two moves on the same day. The first one arrives, settles in and makes room. The second one comes into a home where the furniture is already in place and knows where to put things. Two loads arriving together get mixed up in the hall, and then nobody knows what belongs to whom or which room it goes in.

Keep each person's boxes separate from the start. Rented boxes should not be marked with a marker pen: use a tag, or number the boxes and keep a list with the name of whoever packed each one and the room it goes to.

With Cangubox there is one detail that matters here. We bring them to your home, the one you are leaving, and collect them from the new one, so the boxes for your move come to you and leave from the home you will share. The lid closes without tape: the boxes from the first move can be opened and closed again whenever needed, while you decide where their contents go. And the ones you have already emptied stay out of the way: opened up, they go one inside the other and stay stacked by the door, so the room the second move needs stays free. You can see what comes with the rental in the kit.

The first weeks together

Unpacking as two is different from doing it alone. Each of you has your own idea of where the glasses go, and the first evening is not the time to argue about it. Start with what you need straight away: the bed put together, the bathroom, and enough of the kitchen to eat.

For the rest, decide room by room who has the final say. The study belongs to whoever works in it, the kitchen to whoever cooks more. The things you can't agree on go in one box, with a date by which to decide. If the date passes and nobody has opened it, that is an answer too.

So, before you move in together: make the list of duplicates and decide using the same rules for both of you. Read both contracts and set the dates starting from the longer notice period. If there are two moves, put them on different days and keep the boxes separate until you reach the new home.